Random Musings

I need to start writing more. This is a good way for me to keep track of my thoughts and feelings and dispute them if need be. Since starting on this new journey of self-discovery and recovery I have had alot of revelations about myself. I started going to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting because I thought it might help me feel more connected and help me sort out my own feeling and thoughts. I have been talking to my wife and realized that I am a total control freak. Not just a little controlling, but very controlling. So, controlling that I will purposely sabotage good things happening to me in order to stay in control. Doesn't make sense, right? I have recently realized that yelling, screaming, going into rages, not calling my parents, not completing assignments and tasks that need to be done is a way for me to control my environment. I thought I was feeling overwhelmed, but there isn't anything here that I cannot handle. I can do all of it and then some, but ...

Hey there- Been awhile since I wrote (I think September). Been pretty busy. Just got back from a business trip to D.C. That was nice and kind of energizing. Lost around 15 pounds, bought a dog, have published a co-authored paper, and took a little 4 day weekend to West Virginia with my wife. Things have been going pretty well. My wife and I have been really starting to work on our relationship. I realized for the first time that I wasn't completely responsible for all of our troubles. She has contributed as well and we both share the blame. It came to a head last night when I wrote her a check for the cost of the rent for the entire lease and said that that should be fair because she isn't there that often (9-12 days a month). She got offended and that led into a very big discussion, not an argument, but a discussion. For the first time, we seriously contemplated separating. I was able to talk openly about how it made me feel when she would put me down. I then said ...

Well, it's been a bit since I wrote. So, I thought I would. I don't really pay that much attention to the news--it depresses me and I feel it is sensationalistic. It purposely focuses on all of the bad in humanity and seldom, especially now-a-days focuses on what is good in humanity. I guess it is all about ratings. I have been so out of the loop that even my wife knew something that I didn't. I didn't know that there was a recall on all the spinach in the U.S. I was at Wal-Mart (yes, that is another discussion altogether) and I was buying food. I was going to buy one of those bags of spinach. I don't know what brought me to want that, I usually buy it fresh, but anyway...I went up the counter and they said I couldn't buy it. I kept thinking....what am I going to snort this shit or what. It's spinach, let me buy it! Then my wife said, you didn't hear about the spinach recall? And I said "what spinach recall". Then she told me....This got me thi...

Well, it's been a bit since I wrote. So, I thought I would. I don't really pay that much attention to the news--it depresses me and I feel it is sensationalistic. It purposely focuses on all of the bad in humanity and seldom, especially now-a-days focuses on what is good in humanity. I guess it is all about ratings. I have been so out of the loop that even my wife knew something that I didn't. I didn't know that there was a recall on all the spinach in the U.S. I was at Wal-Mart (yes, that is another discussion altogether) and I was buying food. I was going to buy one of those bags of spinach. I don't know what brought me to want that, I usually buy it fresh, but anyway...I went up the counter and they said I couldn't buy it. I kept thinking....what am I going to snort this shit or what. It's spinach, let me buy it! Then my wife said, you didn't hear about the spinach recall? And I said "what spinach recall". Then she told me....T...

Well, I am actually at work and not working.....go figure. So, I thought I would write a paragraph or two. I have been recently doing a sort of moral inventory of myself and my behavior. Some of the time I am good, some not so good. I guess I really shouldn't judge myself harshly, but I am being honest. I have a tendency to fly off the handle when things don't go my way. Yet, I am a loving and caring man. I have a tendency to shut out the world if things aren't the way I want them to be. I know that is completely 'grade school', but I think i got that from my mom. She always played, and continues to play, the passive agressive game. I, today, am making a pact with myself, to end the cycle of passive aggressiveness in our family. I haven't called my family for a while (a month actually) and I need to. I need to check in, they need to know how I am doing, and I need to know how they are doing. My parents aren't getting younger, so it is vital that ...

I was watching the news and Brian Williams was interviewing George Bush while in New Orleans to "celebrate" the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. They then pan a shot of the entire area, some new houses are being built, but most of it is just rubble and utter distruction. The story is one we have all heard: one year later and most people haven't moved back to New Orleans, the rebuilding efforts are being held up by crooked insurance companies, government bureaucracy, and an apathetic America divided about what to do about the increasing divide between the social classes. In the midst of all this chaos and distruction, hard hitting Brain Williams decides to ask George Bush, "So, what are you reading these days?" HUH? What the f*&%! Then, in clear view of all these ruined lives, the President goes on about how his mother suggested he read French Philosophy and that he has recently finished reading some volumes of Shakespear. Well, give the man a hand! Good fo...

Angela Landsbury....where are you? We need you now!

The caption to this photo said: "Dan Angry at Genocide" For some reason, that cracked me up. I have never seen anyones face when they were actively being angered by the thought of Genocide. Is it disbelief? Is it shock and awe? Maybe it is disgust? Or, is it the feeling of diarrhea coming on....Now I know what that looks like, just in case I run across it....

Well, it's Sunday and I am all alone in my apartment. My wife is away, so I have been doing work this weekend. Finished up some important paperwork for the last place I worked. I am glad to get that off my plate. Back to work tomorrow. Things have slowed considerably at work. I am addicted to SIMCITY. Strange, I know, but I love creating things, especially cities and urban planning stuff. Should have been an architect or urban planner. I guess it is never too late, but I have invested too much time in my current career to call it quits-at least not yet. Not much to report today. Went to church. I am not a big church goer. Never have been. But occassionally I will go because I feel the need to. Sometimes I feel it is grounding. Strange thing is, I'm not baptised, but that doesn't stop me. You know, its not like everyone goes around asking if I dunked my head in water when I was a baby. My parents are NOT RELIGOUS at all. Typical secular types, and very suspicous of any relig...

Worst Singing Ever, In a Stadium Setting Now this is talent...maybe I will be able to be big star after all....

I will probably go to hell for this, but I think Jessica Fletcher needs to solve this case. Ten years, come on, get a real detective on the case. I mean every time this women went to visit a relative, they ended up dead! Luckily she came to solve the murder mystery. But don't you think relatives would start saying...."you know, Jessica, we're too busy for company this weekend" Hire Jessica-Case Closed!!!

My Boss is this old lady who is clueless. I mean really clueless. Sometimes I wonder if she is on the same planet. She always has to re-explain herself. Her sentences always start with "what I mean is....." Not that she is stupid, because she isn't. She actually will say halfway intelligent things, occassionally. But otherwise it is a garbeled (sp) mess. I can't take any direction from her and she can't mentor me because I know more than her--and she knows it. Sometimes that is a dangerous place to be. If I wanted to stay here, I would be worried, but because I could care a less, I don't. She is really nice to me and so it is hard for me to be angry, but she screws things up. She just got back from sick leave, where she was gone for 7 weeks. She left this project incomplete and it was due. It turned out that it was completely done wrong. She didn't import the data correctly, didn't interpret the data correctly. She didn't do shit right....

There is nothing like telling it like it is:

About 7 years ago I was a director of a center for people with mental illness. These kind of people weren't just down in the dumps, but were truly crazy. I mean I worked with one guy who killed his whole family. Serious shit...They weree in and out jails, state psychiatric hospitals, etc..A really sad situation, but there were some really funny times. That was what was so strange about that job, while the people were strange and obviously crazy it was one of the funnest jobs I ever had. I got to see such crazy behavior, stuff you would never expect from people...crazier than anything you would ever imagine. Anyway, I thought I would share some of my stories. This one is about a guy I used to work with who was Schizophrenic. He was real sick, one of the sickest Schizophrenics I have ever worked with. Anyway, I used to drive him around helping him get his life in order. You know, help him with groceries, laundry, go to Drs. offices, get medications, jobs, etc.. One day we wer...

I have a cat that I found about three years ago when she was a little kitten. According to the vet she was only a week old. I fed her with a dropper and taught her how to clean herself, use the litter, etc.. Granted she would have learned the cleaning and litter part by herself, but I will go ahead and take credit. She is a great cat, but very independent and for the most part does not like to be bothered. When she wants attention she determines when and how much. She has a rather funny habit (one of many) of standing on all fours on the edge of her litter box while she takes her shit. She doesn't want to touch the litter. It is fucking hillarious. She goes to great lengths to not touch the litter. Then when she is done, she brushes the litter over her poop or piss from outside the box. She looks funny when she does this because she shakes her paw as though it is soo below her to use a litter box.

Okay, where did I leave off....Oh yeah, my mom, the alcohol. Well, once I found this out things were obviously very different for me in the family. While I must have known for a while, I was in denial or something. Not quite sure what that was about...but your mind plays amazing tricks on you...it truly does...if you let it. My dad got orders to go to Hawaii. I didn't care to go. Many of my friends at school said that the locals hated white people and they had a day called "kill haole" day, translated "kill whitie day".. Not on my top list to go experience my senior year in high school. So, as Hawaii is expensive, my dad went ahead to find a house for us. We weren't going to be able to get on-base housing. So, in the meantime I followed my mother back up to Northern Minnesota where she was born, to live with my Grandfather. My Grandparents had a large house up in Minnesota, had, I think 9 bedrooms, beautiful home, just not worth anything because mini...

I have a very strange thing going on at work, actually it isn't work from my current position, but from a job I had over three years ago. I have been working with a very big name in my area of research to publish this article and get it into a big name journal. You know, one of those that only 10 people read and then it gets put on a shelf for ever. Well, we started this study over three years ago. I decided it was time for me to move on, but I wanted to keep working on the manuscript with these researchers. So, I decided it was in my best interests to continue to do the statistics for the project and contribute to the writing. Remember this was three years ago....I went on to do a postdoc at a very "exclusive" University and this project followed me. I thought it would be done right away. But, like everything else, it has dragged on. Initially we thought it would be a cake walk into a publication because it was going to be considered a "special section" th...

Thought I would share something funny that a friend sent me. I love these. Children's Books That Never Made It: 1. You Are Different And That's Bad. 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables. 3. Dad's New Wife Robert. 4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 5. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence 6. All Cats Go To Hell 7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 8. Some Kittens Can Fly 9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption 10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 11. Strangers Have The Best Candy 12. You Were an Accident 13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 14. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Microwave Games 15. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan 16. Your Nightmares Are Real 17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things 18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry 19. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Rejected Dr. Seuss Books: 1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch 2. Herbert the Pervert Likes ...

Okay, once again, this is wrong--but it is funny!!!! Bungee Jumping In Iraq - video powered by Metacafe

Well, I thought I should at least put something about myself other than random musings about my opinions and things I find funny. So, where do I start. Well, I was born in Brookings, South Dakota. I don't know a thing about the place. See, my father was an officer in the U.S. Army, so I was there for less than 6 months. I then moved to Fulda, West Germany with my family. This is where I have my first memory...I think. I remember my sister, Kelly, waking up early one morning and getting dressed for school and it was a holiday. My parent's asked her what she was doing all dressed up on her day off and everyone laughed. I guess that isn't such a bad memory. We lived there a few years and then we moved back the the U.S., to Springfield, VA. We lived there for a couple of years. I remember living on a Culde Sac and having a friend named Mark. I also remember getting in my parents car, starting it, and having everyone panic because they thought I was going to drive it...