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Character Flaws

Well, I am actually at work and not working.....go figure. So, I thought I would write a paragraph or two. I have been recently doing a sort of moral inventory of myself and my behavior. Some of the time I am good, some not so good. I guess I really shouldn't judge myself harshly, but I am being honest. I have a tendency to fly off the handle when things don't go my way. Yet, I am a loving and caring man. I have a tendency to shut out the world if things aren't the way I want them to be. I know that is completely 'grade school', but I think i got that from my mom. She always played, and continues to play, the passive agressive game. I, today, am making a pact with myself, to end the cycle of passive aggressiveness in our family. I haven't called my family for a while (a month actually) and I need to. I need to check in, they need to know how I am doing, and I need to know how they are doing. My parents aren't getting younger, so it is vital that I reconnect with them and put our differences aside. I mean I guess I just need to understand that parents will have opinions about their children's life, no matter what. And they likely won't be what the child thinks is right for him/her. That is my situation. My parent's often struggle with my choices-esp. with relationships. They don't think I pick healthy people. And they say mean things about them, even when they don't know them very well. But, it doesn't matter. They are entitled to their opinion, and I am to mine. I think they just want to see their son happy and not struggle. My mom once told me "if you don't want us to have an opinion, don't share problems with us". I think that is my moms way of saying that she can't handle hearing life problems, so to spare her and me from arguments and bitter feelings, to let it go. Don't you think that is a bit passive-if I ignore it, it isn't a problem? Regardless, I needn't hold any grudges-it hurts me, not them. I read somewhere once, holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head for life. This is very true.

At any rate (I use that cliche way too much in my personal writing), I need to reconnect with them. I also need to reconnect with my friends. I like to have a few close friends, and not alot of acquantences. I need to spend more time fostering those relationships and new ones. I am only on this earth for a short time, I better enjoy it.

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