Boy lots has happened since I wrote in this blog.... I have divorced my wife, I am still in the same job though. I came out to my family and friends. I was in a three and a half year relationship with a guy half my age. That ended. I am happier now than ever, but I still have ups and downs. I am still trying to figure myself out, but I am at a much better place in my life now. I have regrets, but I understand why I had to go through the things I did to get where I am. I get why I never came out to anyone. When I grew up it was not a great idea. It was scary. I was literally beaten up, so I buried that deep within me. The divorce was really tough, it was a nasty divorce. I should have expected it. I am glad that is over and that she moved on. I hope she is happy. In the end, she really was the one that forced the issue. Of course she should, and although it was really bitter and full of anger, it helped me realize I had to live my life authentically, or I would go on to hurt another person. And I just don't want to do that anymore. Pretty intense stuff. Things most people don't really have to go through. I was suicidal for a while, but it eventually passed. My dad was there for me through it all. He was very accepting and understanding. He kept saying, "Don't kill yourself for someone who doesn't care if you even live. It's not worth it. There are many good days ahead, you just have to get through this. This is tough indeed, but it will pass." I am pretty happy at my job. I pray that my job will continue. Every new administration or anything, you just never know. Government leadership is fickle to say the least. I just continue to try my best to contribute to the organization and serve persons we serve. I have a belief that if I do that, all will be well. So far, that has actually come true. My life has evolved in so many ways. I am still a perfectionist. I am starting to work on it, and more specifically my anxiety that I carry around all the time. It has reared its ugly head here recently. I started to go back to the psychologist, and doing workbooks. I also started meditating again, but I have let that slip lately. I am far less pressured now. I have a more realistic view of the world and myself in relation to the world. I am fine. I am pretty happy on most days. I am also sad. However, the sadness doesn't last forever now. It doesn't go on for months and years. It lasts weeks now. Sometimes days. I think winter has a lot to do with it. BREATHE.
What would be a good April Fools joke??????????????????
Well, it's been a bit since I wrote. So, I thought I would. I don't really pay that much attention to the news--it depresses me and I feel it is sensationalistic. It purposely focuses on all of the bad in humanity and seldom, especially now-a-days focuses on what is good in humanity. I guess it is all about ratings. I have been so out of the loop that even my wife knew something that I didn't. I didn't know that there was a recall on all the spinach in the U.S. I was at Wal-Mart (yes, that is another discussion altogether) and I was buying food. I was going to buy one of those bags of spinach. I don't know what brought me to want that, I usually buy it fresh, but anyway...I went up the counter and they said I couldn't buy it. I kept thinking....what am I going to snort this shit or what. It's spinach, let me buy it! Then my wife said, you didn't hear about the spinach recall? And I said "what spinach recall". Then she told me....T...
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