Random Musings

I need to start writing more. This is a good way for me to keep track of my thoughts and feelings and dispute them if need be. Since starting on this new journey of self-discovery and recovery I have had alot of revelations about myself. I started going to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting because I thought it might help me feel more connected and help me sort out my own feeling and thoughts. I have been talking to my wife and realized that I am a total control freak. Not just a little controlling, but very controlling. So, controlling that I will purposely sabotage good things happening to me in order to stay in control. Doesn't make sense, right? I have recently realized that yelling, screaming, going into rages, not calling my parents, not completing assignments and tasks that need to be done is a way for me to control my environment. I thought I was feeling overwhelmed, but there isn't anything here that I cannot handle. I can do all of it and then some, but ...

Hey there- Been awhile since I wrote (I think September). Been pretty busy. Just got back from a business trip to D.C. That was nice and kind of energizing. Lost around 15 pounds, bought a dog, have published a co-authored paper, and took a little 4 day weekend to West Virginia with my wife. Things have been going pretty well. My wife and I have been really starting to work on our relationship. I realized for the first time that I wasn't completely responsible for all of our troubles. She has contributed as well and we both share the blame. It came to a head last night when I wrote her a check for the cost of the rent for the entire lease and said that that should be fair because she isn't there that often (9-12 days a month). She got offended and that led into a very big discussion, not an argument, but a discussion. For the first time, we seriously contemplated separating. I was able to talk openly about how it made me feel when she would put me down. I then said ...