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In memory....


My mother passed away on March 2, 2008 at 6:30 in the morning. She went quietly in her sleep. I went home about three weeks ago because she had an exacerbation of her symptoms from COPD. She was in the ICU and was intubated. It was terrible to see my mother sick like that. She was delirous at times and didn't even know where she was, who was around, what time it was, the date, or anything. She slowly gained back her senses, but it took about 7 days. Then they released her back home. So, I stayed for two days and she seemed like the old mom. Still sick, but much better than what her condition was in the ICU. I was soo sad to see my mom suffer like that. She was soo afraid of dying and of sufficating to death. She often couldn't breathe. It scared me soo much. I knew she would pass away, but didn't know when. I really thought she would have at least 3 to 6 months left. But, in only three weeks she was back in the ICU and they told my dad that if they intubated her again that she probably would not be able to be taken off of it and that when she was taken off of it she would die. So, my dad and my sister and I made the decision not to put her on life support and instead make sure that she was comfortable. The funny thing is, I always said that I wouldn't put my parents on life support, but when it came down to the final minutes, I soo wanted her alive that I felt compelled to put her on it. I never knew how difficult that decision would be for me. She was able to breathe on her own for another two days. They gave her morphine to calm her down and let her breathe. She did wake up a couple of times, and one of those times she actually asked to talk to me. I did get to speak with her over the phone, but she didn't respond. My father said that her oxygen levels increased significantly when I talked to her though, so he believes that she heard me. The next day, mom passed in the morning. And since that day, I have had such a hard time with all of this.

I went back home to Hawaii and we buried her in the Punchbowl cemetery. It was a beautiful ceremony. It was just our small family. I said a eulogy in honor of my mother and her life. It was a sad day, but strangely I beautiful day as well.

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