Went to a meeting today and they talked about giving it up to a higher power. I intellectually understand this, but it is hard. I have not really "found" my higher power. I am on a search, and sometimes I think I have it within reach, but to no avail. I understand that the "higher power" is god, but I question if god exists. I guess the faith is in not questioning whether something like a god exists, but letting go, and trusting that you were put on this earth by a power that is much larger than yourself and to accept them. They understand you, they know what is best for you, and they know what your plan is, even if you don't. When I was a kid I used to look up at the stars at night and wonder how this all could have happened. It was so overwhelming. I remember thinking that I, as a human being, would never be able to understand because I am limited, and only of this earth. I mean the univese goes on forever, or at least when I was young it did. I used to think that god must be able to understand it all because he was limitless, and it all made sense to him. That used to calm me some. Maybe that is what is meant by a higher power. I often think that my grandfather looks after me in heaven. He will take care of me. Kind of a guardian angel of sorts. Maybe that is a higher power. I guess because I can't feel it, I can't see it, I can't smell or touch it, it makes it hard. Like you have to have faith that there is a god. If I have faith in god, then I have to have faith in myself, because he created me and he knows what is best for me.
Well, it's been a bit since I wrote. So, I thought I would. I don't really pay that much attention to the news--it depresses me and I feel it is sensationalistic. It purposely focuses on all of the bad in humanity and seldom, especially now-a-days focuses on what is good in humanity. I guess it is all about ratings. I have been so out of the loop that even my wife knew something that I didn't. I didn't know that there was a recall on all the spinach in the U.S. I was at Wal-Mart (yes, that is another discussion altogether) and I was buying food. I was going to buy one of those bags of spinach. I don't know what brought me to want that, I usually buy it fresh, but anyway...I went up the counter and they said I couldn't buy it. I kept thinking....what am I going to snort this shit or what. It's spinach, let me buy it! Then my wife said, you didn't hear about the spinach recall? And I said "what spinach recall". Then she told me....T...
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